( function () { var sayings = ["I am not interested in providing any additional tools to an individual who wants to disrepect this culture. John Ashcroft, April 10, 2001", "Teach a man to make fire; he will be warm for a day. Set a man on fire; he will be warm for the rest of his life.", "As long as I am mayor of this city [Jersey City, New Jersey] the great industries are secure. We hear about constitutional rights, free speech and the free press. Every time I hear these words I say to myself, “That man is a Red, that man is a Communist.” You never hear a real American talk like that. — Frank Hague (1896-1956)", "The court ruled it legal to f*ck the voters by running out the clock, and demonstrated how to do it.", "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.", "I don't have time to list everything it fixes, but I can tell you that it fixes EVERY issue that EVERYONE was having. — Ben Collins", "Debian: all the power of Linux without the silly hat.", "Debian: reptiles were harmed in the making of this distribution.", "If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed... oh wait, he does.", "If I read the DeCSS source code in a forest, would it make a copyrightable sound?", "Go away, I'm allright. — The last words of H.G. Wells", "You can't imagine the extra work I had when I was a god. — Hirohito, Emporer of Japan (1901-1989)", "A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.", "Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.", "Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.", "I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.", "How about never? Is never good for you?", "Reflect before you snack", "Kaa's Law: In any sufficiently large group of people most are idiots.", "Joan of Arc heard voices too.", "A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome, as a solution to the problem.", "Never test the depth of the water with both feet.", "It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.", "If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.", "Don't squat with your spurs on.", "Documentation is worth it just to be able to answer all your mail with 'RTFM'", "Don't put your face too close to the cannon when it's being fired. That, in general, is good advice.", "I'm feeling real quotable lately. Stop it, or you'll give me a big head. — John Brockus", "Too many Florence Nightengales, not enough Robin Hoods.", "Resistance is essential.", "Lemmings drown.", "God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends", "I Used to Be Schizophrenic, but We're OK Now", "Don't Treat Me Any Differently Than You Would the Queen", "Gravity...It's Not Just a Good Idea. It's the Law", "In Dog Years, I'm Dead", "Anything Not Worth Doing Is Not Worth Doing Well", "A Day Without Sunshine is Like Night", "First Things First, but Not Necessarily in That Order", "Old Age Comes at a Bad Time", "In America, Anyone Can Be President. That's One of the Risks You Take", "Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them", "I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.", "You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.", "So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.", "The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.", "IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.", "Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.", "God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.", "Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!", "Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.", "EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.", "Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.", "Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!", "Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them", "I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn't look good either.", "I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.", "Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.", "Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.", "Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.", "Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?", "On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.", "I don't suffer from stress, but I am a carrier.", "Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.", "Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.", "Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.", "A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.", "Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.", "After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.", "You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.", "Eat one live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.", "When bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.", "If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damned fool about it.", "There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.", "Everything can be filed under 'miscellaneous'.", "Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.", "If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.", "If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.", "At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.", "When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.", "Following the rules will not get the job done.", "When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger handle this?”", "The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth", "Happiness is not something you experience, it's something you remember. — Oscar Levant", "“My sole inspiration is a telephone call from a producer.” — Cole Porter", "The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too. — Oscar Levant", "A government that is large enough to supply everything you need is large enough to take everything you have. — Thomas Jefferson", "When the President does it, that means it is not illegal. — Richard M. Nixon", "“The fact that the inspectors have not yet come up with new evidence of Iraq's WMD program could be evidence, in and of itself, of Iraq's noncooperation” — Donald Rumsfeld, January 15, 2003", "The truth is that men are tired of liberty. — Benito Mussolini", "Although his name lives on today largely through bad jokes, Confucious was one of the major figures in Chinese culture. — St. Louis Post Dispatch, Tom Borgman", "Honestly, I think we should just trust our president in every decision that he makes and we should just support that. — Britney Spears", "Don't anthropomorphize computers, they don't like it.", "Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. And if you're already pretty corrupt when you get the power ... well, then things can really get bad pretty quick, as we're seeing — Josh Marshall", "Liberals have always loved conspiracy theories because raising the specter of foul play and dirty tricks is an easy and convenient justification for ignoring their own political and policy failures. — Oliver North", "Midway upon the journey of our life I found that I was in a dusky wood; for the right path, whence I had strayed, was lost. Ah Me! How hard a thing it is to tell the wildness of that rough and savage place, the very thought of which brings back my fear! — Dante, on using Windows", "First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you. Then you win. — Gandhi", "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day. `Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.' Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood. — Ralph Waldo Emerson — Self-Reliance", "Those who make allegations of a culture of deception,of intimidation or of cover-up need to be extremely careful about such accusations. — Donald Rumsfeld, May 25 2004", "“Political criticism is our enemies' best friend.” — Bernard Kerik, Newsday Oct. 20, 2003", "“There is no virtue in timidity in the choice of hypothesis.” — Thomas Gold", "“Our criminal institutions are full of little creeps like you who do 'Wrong Things'.” — Frank Zappa", "“Cruel and inhuman punishments are being carefully described in tiny paragraphs so they won't conflict with the Constitution.” — Frank Zappa 1980, but then it was such a ludicrous idea it was considered farce.", "I'm going to make a chain mail blanket then sleep in dangerous places.", "May you come to the attention of those in authority.", "May you find what you are looking for — Alleged Chinese Curse", "Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly.", "“Cannot say. Saying would be knowing. Do not know, so cannot say.” — Zathras", "“Why would you make this?”... “Well, first I tried not making it, but that didn't work.” — Wondermark, on the quadboot."]; function newSaying() { var s = document.getElementById('saying'); s.innerHTML = sayings[ Math.floor( Math.random() * sayings.length)]; } newSaying(); var s = document.getElementById('saying'); s.onclick = newSaying; })();